Doug and the Enchanted Spittoon

Doug was backpacking through the desert one day when he came across a giant neon sign that read "Enchanted Spittoon". The sign had an arrow pointing to a mystical cave. Doug said, "I shall travel to that mystical cave and search for the enchanted spittoon. I do hope there is something to eat in there, though. I'm starved!" And so Doug ventured inside the cave. Not more than two feet in, Doug encountered a grumpy troll.
"I'm a grumpy troll!" the troll said, "Now get me a radish and I shall let you pass."
Doug did not know where to get a radish and so he told the troll "I am questing for an enchanted spittoon. When I find it, I will wish for a radish for you." The troll was pleased and let Doug through. Soon Doug came across a family of mud crabs.
"Please," the mother crab said, "You must help me! My baby is sick and I need medicine to heal him. Can you please get me some from the nearest town." Doug was half way to the treasure by now and did not want to turn back.
He told the mother crab, "I am searching for an enchanted spittoon. When I find it, I will wish for medicine for your son." This pleased the crab, and Doug went on his way. Doug was almost to the end of the cave when he saw a unicorn in a bear trap. It's horn had broken off.
The unicorn looked up at him with his head stuck in the trap and said, "This is incredibly painful! If you get me out of here and fix my horn, I'll fly you out of the desert and into civilization." Doug had been traveling in the desert for quite some time with no end in sight. He desperately wanted to get home.
Knowing he was not strong enough, Dough said, "I'm searching for an enchanted spittoon. When I find it, I'll wish for you to bee freed and your horn fixed." With a sigh, the unicorn let Doug leave. Doug could see a sparkle in the distance that he knew must be the spittoon. He rounded the corner and bumped into a gigantic spider web.
Inside was an enormous spider. "I am the keeper of the spittoon." it said, "If you wish to use the spittoon, you must answer my riddle. If you take the number of grains of sand in this chamber and turn it into glass, how many nuns does it take to screw in a light bulb while standing on those sheets of glass, assuming the nuns are each five foot five inches tall?"
Doug thought long and hard. Having absolutely no idea, he randomly guessed "Five?"
The spider pondered for a while and said, "Well, that's closer than most people get, so go on in." Doug could see it before him. The spittoon shone with a wonderful gold glow. Instructions on the wall told Doug to spit into it and wait. And so, Doug did. He spit into it, and he waited, and waited, and waited. Finally, something happened. The spit came out a slot on the back of the spittoon as pure, clean water.
"What gives!?" Doug demanded "Where's my wishes?"
The spider turned to him and said, "What wish. This is the enhanced spittoon. Most people come through here very thirsty. If they make it passed the trials, they get fresh water."
"But the sign outside said 'enchanted spittoon!" Doug insisted.
"Oh, that old thing? Some of the lights must be out. I must get around to fixing it one of these days."
Doug was in a panic. He had just made a lot of promises he could no longer keep. He slowly walked back to the entrance, where the troll, crab, and the unicorn were eagerly waiting. "Here's the thing..." Doug tried to explain, "Turns out it wasn't an enchanted spittoon, it was an enhanced spittoon. I can't help any of you. Sorry?"
"My son is going to die thanks to you!" the crab yelled.
"My head is going to be stuck in this thing forever thanks to you!" the unicorn clamored.
"I'm not just grumpy, I'm mad as hell now because I didn't get my radish!" the troll boomed.
So, the three backed Doug into a corner and beat him to a pulp. The troll freed the unicorn, who, in turn, flew to town and got medicine for the crab, who dug into the earth and found a turnip for the troll. All was well. Except for Doug, that is. He was never heard from again. But legend has it that if you pass buy the cave of the enhanced spittoon (the spider did get around to fixing the sign), you can still hear the screams. No one knows for sure if he is alive or dead, but his legend lives on.

Oranges and Orgies: The Epic Tale of Shroompuffin

On the day of Latter Made Saints, Shroompuffin was walking towards the annul orgies and oranges feast down by the hoe house. Shroompuffin loved oranges and hoped to get some for his grandmother.
However when reaching the great plateau of orgies and oranges, he noticed a particularly orgieanic orange. He started at it in awe, it would be perfect for his grandmother! Just as he went to pick it up he was surrounded by three Hoes. Their shiny metal heads and wooden bodies terrified him. Quickly grabbing the orange he ran as fast as a dobleflooper tripping over some orgasaming hippies and wanking walruses. The wanking walruses where displeased and decided to purse him as well. Shroompuffin was in a situation tighter than a fat strippers g-string. He knew he has to do something fast. Think quickly he jumped on a yellow bellied Yoshi and attempted to sail to the moon, now orange from all it's orange orgie orgasmes.
On the moon he meet Pete who sold him so whale roids to combat the horrendous hoes and wankaful walruses. As fast as possible, Shroompuffin injected a dose of the whale roids into his pelvic area. Instantly he grew buff, his wewanka shrank, and his face was filled with acne. Shroom wasn't worried though, he always carried a bottle of proacitve for situations such as these. Jumping back on his yellow belly Yoshi he sailed back to Earth, defeating the hoes and the walruses. Like the idiot he is, Shroompuffin stuck the orange he had found into his blowhole and blew. The orange had a chemical reaction with the roid infected air from the blow horn. In an instant the orange formed an egg and out of that egg sprouted Mr. T! Thus the first black person was born.
Appalled by what he had created, Shroompuffin launched Mr. T to a continent with no natural resources. This continent later became known as Africa.

Shroompuffin was now starting to feel the effects from the whale roids. He went mad and slaughtered a pack or orgasm seeking hippies. This angered the God of Orgies, Eric Clapton who struck Shroompuffin with a D-minor note and killed him. Thus ending the epic tale of Shroompuffin and his valiant deeds.

Random Videos for Today

Here are some completely unrelated videos that I found on Youtube. Enjoy!

Run to Old:



Smash Bros. Demo:

Geometry Wars Galaxies: A Review

Math has never been so much fun.

Math is hard. Geometry wars is hard. The similarities end there. Galaxies uses the tried and true formula that Evolved established and takes it to the next level. Retro Evolved was a helluva fun game when it came out. It only had one level, but that was enough. Galaxies has over 60- each unique in its own way. They vary by shape, what enemies appear, and even the number of lives you have. Some levels are easy, some levels are hard, all are infinitely fun.

Retro Evolved contained about 6 enemies or so. Galaxies more than doubles that. There are a ton of new baddies to go up against. Some are giant versions that break into smaller enemies, some spawn hundreds of little enemies at once, others will just quickly fly by and try to avoid you; nail these and you'll get big points. The points system is actually very different in this game. You can easily rack your multiplier up to over 100. To make up for this, the high scores that win you metals are much, much, higher. In Evolved, you struggled to achieve a million points; now you'll have to shoot for 10 million.

Destroying those hundreds of on-screen enemies gives you geoms. Each enemy drops a different number of geoms you can collect and use to unlock new planets or upgrade your drone. The drone is a new addition to the Geometry Wars universe. It is a small craft that flies around with you and helps you in combat. The drone can be upgraded to preform a variety of tasks including attacking, defending, and collecting geoms, among other things. Drones gain experience the more you use them, and each drone function can be leveled up making it more powerful.

The game controls like a charm with the classic controller. It does not, however, control like a charm with the waggle wand. There is an on-screen laser that points where your fire will shoot. When you change the direction of your fire, there is quite a delay. This can lead to certain death in tight situations. Plus, you have to hold down the 'a' button to fire. Stick to the classic controller here and you'll have a gay old time (Flintstones style).

Finally, who can forget the music? The music is wonderful! Just as catchy as ever. Now, though, there is a variety of different songs that play on the various levels instead of the same old tune. All the songs are great, however. Unfortunately, the song from Evolved did not make it into Galaxies. Not to worry, though, because Galaxies includes a full version of Evolved for your pleasure! The sound quality itself is crap. The visuals are fine, but the sound is crap. It sounds like it's playing through the remote's speaker. Absolutely unacceptable. Other than, that minor hiccup, the game is just great! It always runs silky smooth and plays great. There is also versus and co-op multiplayer in addition to online leaderboards. You can even connect the Wii and DS versions to unlock extra content!

This is probably the best game this year that no one played. I guarantee that only fans of the original and its sequel picked this up. Reconsider. It's great fun that'll last forever (literally), and at $40 how could you go wrong? Galaxies is money well spent.

Breakdown:
Visuals: 9 (simple, yet amazing) *EDIT* Changed it to 9. Not quite as sharp as on XBL Arcade.
Gameplay: 10 (simple, yet amazing)
Controls: 9 (great with the classic controller- though it is awkwardly small- crap without)
Sound: 5 (music is great, music quality is total crap)
Replay Value: 10 (I'd give it 11, but that's not possible)
Overall: 9/10

Best game no one played.

Ace Combat 6: Fires of Liberation

Ace combat 6 is a "jack of all trades" type of game, meaning it does everything well but excels at nothing in particular.

Ace Combat 6 frustrates me. The ironic thing though is that the game doesn't frustrate me because its bad, it frustrates me because it could have been so much better.
Ace combat six graphics are amazing, and a the same time there not. When flying, the visuals and special effects look increadibly realistic. It also probably has some of the best fire/explosion effects of any game. Sadly the good visuals stop there because when you fly low to glance at the landscape you are instantly disappointed. The city visuals could be so much better. You can't see anyone walking on the ground or cars passing by when you fly over. The whole landscape looks stretched out, blurred, and very poorly done. That alone ruined the beauty of the games graphics.
Many people don't care about the graphics though, after all the game play is what really matters isn't it? Ace Combat 6 has good game play, but it's nothing great. I do like the feature where you can follow your missile and see it hit the enemy. The only problem is the missiles themselves. I mean these missiles are supposed to be heat seeking and half the time my missiles missed simply when my opponent veered slightly to the left or right. It's also vice a versa, dodging a missile is unbelievably easy, i want at least some challenge in it! Don't count on your machine guns as your main source of firepower, there more accurate but they take a lot of shots unless your up close to your enemy. You also have wingmen helping you but i was disappointed in the lack of commands to direct them, still, they where useful. What bothered me about the combat the most was how when I crashed into planes my size, I blew up and they didn't. It's fine that i blow up but they also need to blow up themselves or sustain some type of damage. Even though my comments are negative for the most part, the combat is actually pretty addicting. It never gets old blowing up planes and then flying through the explosion and debris they left behind. It makes you feel like a B.A.M.F
The worst aspect of the game....has to be the story line. I rather that they had not even put a story line than come up with one. It's boring, poorly written, and nearly non-existent. Ace combat 6 is one of the few games where you can skip the cut scenes and it won't make a difference.
Overall Ace Combat 6 is a good but not great game. I wouldn't buy it immediately, instead wait a few months and buy it when it becomes cheaper.

Breakdown:
Visuals: 10
Controls: 9
Gameplay: 7
Sound: 6
Replay Value: 6
Overall: 7/10

Good bargain bin buy in a few months.

Super Mario Galaxy: A Review

This time, Mario travels through space in what can only be described as his finest outing ever!

There is no doubt that Mario Galaxy is a wonderful piece of work. It controls beautifully, it sounds beautiful, and it implements some beautiful ideas. The crazy Mario Sunshine, in which Mario ran around with a water squirter on his back, left many people thinking, "What else could they possibly do with Mario?" Answer: put him in space. Let's get one thing clear now: this is not Super Mario 128. There never was a Super Mario 128, and there never will be. Mario 128 was a tech demo from 2000 to show off the power of the Gamecube. Bits and pieces were used in the creation of both Sunshine and Galaxy. That's where the planetoids come in. Mario Galaxy sure does have some dazzling and innovative new concepts, and the planetoids stand out as the best of what the game has to offer. Throughout your journey, Mario will encounter floating planetoids and space junk. He can run, jump, and explore every square inch. If you jump off the edge, Mario will be pulled back by the planet's gravity. If you walk off the edge, Mario will appear on the underside of the planet. It's a truly great idea and you wonder why no one thought of it before. The crazy gravity also highlights the spectacular camera system. Mario 64 really innovated the camera in 3D games, and now Galaxy has done it again. As you run and jump around various atmospheres, the camera flies, pans, flips, and follows your every move without missing a step.

The game also controls like a dream. It's interesting how elements of both 64 and Sunshine have been implemented into Galaxy. There's classic long and tripple jumps, in addition to spin and wall jumps. All control beautifully with the wiimote/nun chuck combo (or as i like to call it the "waggle wand"). Speaking of waggle wand, Galaxy makes good use of it without ever feeling gimmicky. There is a blue star on screen that acts as your pointer. It never feels bothersome or in the way like the dreadful fairy from Twilight Princess. Mario has one new move in the game that sends him spinning in a circle with a flick of the remote. This stuns enemies and allows Mario to easily take them out. You would think that Mario's new attack would detract from the experience or make it too easy. Not so. It really adds to the fun- trust me. You can even have a friend help you out by controlling another star pointer! On the subject of difficulty, Galaxy seems slightly easier than previous titles. This is somewhat balanced out by the fact that Mario can now only take three hits. Health can be replenished with coins, as always, but coins are now less abundant. In their place are star bits which can be collected with the remote. These can be used to unlock new levels or to buy useful items before a boss fight.

The overall flow of the game is the same as always (as always, with zero plot). You start in a hub world and travel to different levels while collecting stars along the way. These stars unlock more levels until you've reached the end of the game. Galaxy is different in that you unlock observatories when you defeat a galaxy's final boss. The observatories have about four or five galaxies each that you can travel to, each with one to three stars to unlock to start out with. The first thing you'll notice is that there are a lot more levels this time around. More levels, but each contains less stars- it's a trade off. Personally, I like the layout of Galaxy. There's just more to explore. And, boy, are is there a lot to explore. The sheer diversity of levels is astounding! There was even a Monkey Ball-type level that had Mario rolling on a giant ball (controlled by twisting the remote of course). You only need 60 stars to finish the game, but if you really want a challenge go for all 120. You'll even be rewarded by unlocking Luigi as a playable character!

Mario Galaxy is the prettiest game on the Wii, hands down. It's colorful, sharp, and graphically stunning. It proves that you don't need super high-definition visuals to look beautiful. Finally, there's the sound. Mario Galaxy contains the Mario franchise's finest soundtrack yet. Plus, it's the first to be fully orchestrated. I have to say, Mario is at least 10X better with a fully orchestrated soundtrack. The music is wonderful and quite varied. New tracks and old are both represented here. Word's can't describe how great it felt to journey my way to fight Bowser with a beautifully orchestrated version of the N64 song playing in the background.

In all there is just one word to describe Mario Galaxy: stunning. Galaxy is Mario's finest game ever, the best game on the Wii, and my pick for Wii game of the year!

Breakdown:
Visuals: 10
Controls: 10
Gameplay: 10
Sound: 10
Replay Value: 9
Overall: 10/10

Wii Game of the Year

New MMORPG looks promising

To be honest i love MMORPGS. The only problem is that the MMORPG formula has not changed at all, i mean just look at this list of MMORPG that have been released in the last few years:

Asherons Calling
Everquest
Linage
World of Warcraft
Lord of the Rings
City of Hero's
Planetside
Star War

I think you see the problem already don't you? A huge percentage of these games are based on a fantasy setting the barely vary. Planetside and Star Wars both took setting in space which is good, but pretty soon that setting is going to get old as well within a matter of years. In fact the only true original MMORPG on that list is COH. It had a great concept, but the game itself lacked depth and that was its downfall.

I see hope for the industry though. A new original MMORPG in coming soon, one which i think has the potential so be great, even great enough to compete with World of Warcraft.

It's called Pirates of the Burning Seas.

In Pirates of the Burning Sea, you are the captain of your own ship with your own crew. There are three fraction you can chose from : The English, French, and Spanish. Although you don't have to belong to a fraction, you can be a pirate if you wish and attack the merchant ships working for the European Empires. When one becomes a Captain in this game they can choose from four different careers. This careers are:

• Naval Officer - Focus on defense, escorting duties, and direct, face-to-face combat. Navy Officers gain access to the extremely powerful ships of the line.
• Privateer - Focus on utilizing small advantages for big gain, outmaneuvering and outwitting opponents. Privateers have an edge in boarding combat and can learn a skill that enables them to use Pirate PvP zones.
• Freetrader - Focus on trading, production and economics. They will have abilities to effectively evade opponents in combat. Freetraders may learn skills that increase their ability to gather resources and produce goods.
• Pirate - All-round capability including the special ability to take command of defeated opponent ships. These ships will only have one durability point. If a Pirate takes command of a Ship of the Line he will automatically be flagged for PvP.

My biggest concern for the game was the ship combat, i was worried that it would be mediocre, but after seeing this video I can't wait to get a ship and fight other pirates/ merchants.



Something else you can do in the is take over ports and cities. This is concept of "World Raiding" is something I feel that a lot of MMORPGS are missing and that Pirates does a great job implementing. In the game, after Pirates and Merchants conquer towns. Then the towns export goods which gives the player money and at the same time crafts goods that the player can use.

Obviously you're not going to be always just fighting with ships only. When you rush in to attack a town or if your ship gets boarded your pirate is going to be forced to fight. In the game there are three different types of fighting:

• Dirty fighting - Fight with a cutlass. Excels in disrupting the balance of the opponent and has many 'special' attacks.
• Fencing - The art of fighting with a rapier. Excellent at dealing high amounts of damage.
• Florentine - Dagger and sword fighting. Has the greatest defensive capabilities.

The fighting looks great in the game, and don't just take my word for it just look at this video.

Customization in game is great for both the in game characters and the ships. There are 54 different types of ships, with more planing to be implemented. There are however, there are five basic ship designs:

• Stripped – A merchant variant. A low-level requirement version of a large trade ship although not equipped with guns.

• Courier – An easy-access variant. Courier ships are slightly faster and easier to handle, but they have less firepower and armor.

• Heavy – An upgrade variant. Heavy ships have significantly more armor and structure, and often have other combat benefits.

• Sleek – An upgrade variant. Sleek ships are faster and handle better. They might also have slightly better armor.

• Mastercraft – The premier ship variant. Mastercraft ships are expensive custom made ships that have been restructured to have room for more (and potentially heavier) guns and stronger hulls.

Player Customization looks promising as well, the creators are looking to add as much customization options as COH.



Pirates also has "societies"(aka guilds). Societies can have custom banners and work together to defeat other societies.

Overall the game looks promising, it is definitely a new type of MMORPG, one that will hopefully be able to compete with the MMORPG monster known as World of Warcraft.

A Very Doosh-bah Christmas

So, yeah, I took Christmas off. Who didn't? Hope yours was merry! In honor of Christmas, I present this wonderful Christmas tale full of magic and wonderment that I just made up off the top of my head.

A very Doosh-bah Christmas

Doosh-bah woke up on Christmas morning and sprang out of bead,
All night those damn sugar plums danced in his head,
He stumbled down to the living room only to see,
Bacon under the Christmas tree,
He jumped up and down with such delight,
That Doosh-bah didn't notice he stepped on a mite,
The mite bit his foot,
And he bit it up good,
So Doosh-bah had to dance and put on a hood,
Just to keep it from swelling as it often does,
Doosh-bah had some Tylenol and then ate some peat moss,
It was back to the bacon for old Doosh-bah,
But suddenly the door rang- it was his Pa,
Pa came in riding a yak,
He had brought an enchanted Christmas sack,
Doosh-bah opened the sack with shock and awe,
Inside the sack he found the body of Pa,
In that instant Pa ripped off his face,
It turned out to be Smearbob- what a disgrace!
But inside the sack was no longer his dad,
But instead there was something totally rad,
It was a super-deluxe- awesome gun,
Something Doosh-bah had wanted since he was one!
Then Doosh's real dad flew in from afar,
Bringing with him drinks and a mini bar,
Then they all ate bacon with 'ol Saint Nick,
It was the best Christmas ever- or so they did think,
Until Jack Frost showed up and started wrecking the place,
So Doosh-bah blasted him to outer space,
Doosh loved his new gun- twas true,
The only thing he loved more was Gorilla Glue.
And so, It was Doosh-bah and Smearbob's greatest, most bacon-filled Christmas ever!

Merry Christmas one and all!

The List: The Six Greatest Softdrindks

6. Peach Soda- It's peach soda. What else is there to say? Never seen it before? That's because it's a rare species of soda. It's on the list because it's so damn hard to track down!

5. Root Beer/ Cream Soda- Who doesn't love the taste of root beer or cream soda? Instant classics.

4. Mr. Pibb- It's Dr. Pepper with a cooler name and catchphrase. Put it in your head!

3. Mountain Dew Code Red- It's abnormally red, but so very delicious! A true cherry soda.

2. Vault- It most certainly does not kick like an energy drink, but it doesn't taste like one either. It's like good sprite.

1. Ginger Ale- Nothing beats good old ginger ale! The drink of kings!

Why So Serious?

In case you haven't seen it by now (You haven't? Loser.), there's a new Dark Knight trailer swimming around the interwebs. The Joker is truly incredible. Seriously, Heath Ledger is a genius. YOU SHALL BOW TO HIM!!

Download the trailer in regular, high, or super-mega-HD.

Also, enjoy this awesomely creepy new poster:







































More posters here.

What happened to Shups and Croids!?

Just in time for Christmas: it's Installation 04! Shups and Croids is gone. Forever. It has been merged with Gameweb to create the new Installation 04 (get the reference?). For those of you keeping track, this is now the third incarnation of this site. So the legacy of Shups and Croids is not lost (As was the legacy of Total Randomity. Don't remember it? I thought not.), I will now explain what the hell a shup and a croid are.

Shup: A type of field mouse located in the remote ice deserts of New Guinna. Don't think New Guinna has ice deserts? Look again, I'm right. Anyway, shups are known for there keen sense of touch. Yes, touch. They can feel a grain of ice-sand a mile away. Actually, that sounds really bothersome. Regardless, shups are a very rare species to behold. They have two inch long teeth, round scaly tales, and 16 strands of hair to keep them cool in the warm icy heat. If you're ever lucky enough to encounter one, you'll be blessed with finding 161 defective pennies which could either turn out to be completely worthless or worth a fortune. Shups are also quite tasty when popped like popcorn. They're a delicacy in Kenya.

Croid: Croid is a type of bagel spread first developed in France in 1886. It is made by mashing up polar bears into a fine paste. Then, strawberries are added to the mix followed by a shot of brandy. Fine French croid can be bought in a 5 oz container and costs $483 in American money (that's about $2.99 in France). Though most Americans find it strangely delicious, it is not sold in this country for two reasons: it's illegal to make food from polar bears, and it just costs too much to import. You may not think strawberry-polar bear sounds too tasty, but it's actually delicious. Unfortunately, you'll have to travel to France and pay $483 to get some.

So that's what shups and croids are... just in case you ever wondered. Anyway, please enjoy the new Installation 04!

This is the end

Well, sort of. It's been a grand journey my friends, but now it's time to say goodbye. Gameweb is closing its doors (that means Viewpoint as well) and, for that matter, so is Shups and Croids.The two blogs will be incorporated into one: Installation 04- effective immediately. And so Installation 04 is born! It will have the same whit and humor as Shups, plus gaming reviews and, occasionally, news. It will be less news focused and more opinionated because, lets face it, you could just as easily get your gaming news elsewhere. So sit back down and relax because Gameweb isn't going anywhere any time soon- it's just evolving. So I ask you to please enjoy Installation 04 as much as I've enjoyed working on it!

It's been fun guys! Thanks for everything!
Gameweb would have been three years old tomorrow.

Just Something To Think About...

You might want to consider the following before you go out and buy Crysis:

More Gift Ideas

For the readers on your list

Halo: Contact Harvest
Ever wondered how the humans and the covenant first met? Well, you'll find out if you read this book. Seriously, if you're a fan its a no-brainer. If your not a fan, it's still a pretty good sci-fi book. And who better to tell the story than Joe Staten, the man who helped create the series!

Rise of the Ogre
The perfect compliment to D-Sides. "Rise of the Ogre" is the official biography of the animated band Gorillaz. It's really quite a fascinating story. Plus, it's now in paperback!


Stay tuned for more!

Happy Birthday, Man!

In honor of my friend's birthday, I give you a delightful poem:

Indian Man
By: Perry Levine

Indian man looking at the sun
It must be fun
Being Indian man
He has long hair
At this I stare
But not to long
Indian man
He chants
Hee-ohh-alah-nee-oo-ogachaca-meow
Which means
Today we dance and sing but tomorrow we may not because I think I might be getting a cold meow frustrated
Thank you Indian man

Delightful Holiday Gift Ideas

As you all know, there are only 15 shopping days left until Holiday. Yes, Holiday, the one day of the year we celebrate material possessions by giving each other gifts. Here are some great last minute ideas for anyone on your list! And no, "Bender's Big Score" is not included because it's a given.

Movies

Hot Rod
Sure to be a hit with anyone who has any kind of sense of humor, Hot Rod will make a wonderful stocking stuffer! Also available in HD, because who doesn't want to see Andy Samberg's face in high definition!

Ask a Ninja DVD
Why download the podcast for free when you could buy it on disk for $20? Plus, it's a DVD. Everyone knows DVDs are better then downloaded content right?

The Original Christmas Classics
Everyone loves to watch those original Christmas specials from the 1960s made with figurines and stop motion animation on TV, so why not physically own them?

Xbox 360 HD DVD Player
On a serious note, why not pick up the HD DVD player for the 360? It's now only $129, comes packaged with King Kong, and you can mail in for another five free movies! Now that a deal!


Music

Gorillaz D-Sides
Gorillaz has a new album!? I know, that was my reaction too. Be sure to pick up this collection of "Demon Days" rejects! And while you're at it, why not spring for the deluxe version, it's only $5 more.

Halo 3 Soundtrack
It's music. From Halo 3. Nuff said.











Other Stuffs

McFarlane's Twisted X-Mas Figures
Nothing says Christmas like Spawn! These delightful figures designed by Spawn creator Todd McFarlane are guaranteed to put a smile on your face! Well, maybe not. But they are pretty sweet! (Reindeer Rudy pictured at right)

Zelda Replicas
Why not give a Zelda fan the ultimate gift: a replica Master Sword and Hyrulian Shield. Available at trueswords.com As a bonus, why not throw in an Ocarina of Time? You can pick one up at songbirdocarina.com

















Well, that's it for today. Stay tuned for more last minute gift ideas all the way up to Holiday!

Benny Lava indeed...

This is entertainment at its finest right here:

Doosh-Bah and Smearbob: RELOADED

Doosh-Bah was awakened from his slumber when his alarm clock exploded. He sprang into action and immediately began to wash his cat. Smearbob rolled the red carpet for the Emperor of Memporor in the meantime. Suddenly, Agent Tnega burst through the roof of the place and stated: "I'm not wearing pants. Now you must save the world." And so Doosh-Bah and Smearbob were called back into action and went to work.

Harnessing the mighty power of the enchanted snail-gibbons, the two flew all the way to North Brunswick where they encountered the source of the evil that apparently existed. It was Corruption Craig and the No Good Gang. They were blasting all of the chocolate cookies into the Bay of Pigs. Unfortunately, this caused the pigs in the bay to become super-duper-fied. While half the world was exploding, Smearbob took out his giant-blaster-cannon-doom-ray and exploded the stratosphere. This just made things worse. Smearbob duck-taped it back together while Doosh-Bah shouted "Num-muh yoot bhut clussop WACKKOOH!" and self distrusted the xooki factories causing a chain reaction in the septizone and preventing the flow of eviltude. Thus, the land was saved and also very broken.

Doosh-Bah and Smearbob flew back to their home place using the power of Greyskull and then went back to bed. They dreamed of magical, magical magic and whatnot. All was good in the world... or something like that.

Doosh-bah and Smearbob created by The One Known as to be Reckoned with and Doegab. Story by N-man.

Ima try something...

Well, I'd say it's been a while, but that's a given. So I won't. I don't update as much as I would like to and that makes me ever so sad. So, here's what I'm going to do: I shall try to post as often as possible, no matter what it is. So check back often for more entertainment and stuff of that sort. Shups and Croids is back... and this time it means business!

The King Returns: A Review

No, not Lord of the Rings! I'm talking about Futurama! It's back and better than ever! Well, at least just as good as when it left...

Bender's Big Score: The Review

"Bender's Big Score" is the first of four direct-to-DVD Futurama movies. If it's any indication of things to come, then Futurama is still the king! The ever so confusing yet entertaining plot centers around three naked aliens who take control of earth through spam e-mails. Plus, Fry finds the binary code that makes time travel possible tattooed to his ass. Silly, yes, but effective. Using its Futurama-esque humor and excellent writing, "Bender's Big Score" is every bit as funny and cleaver as the original series. It is one of those movies dealing with time travel (which always manages to make plots beyond comprehension), but it surely is entertaining if you don't think to hard about it. But I warn you: it will make your brain hurt if you try to figure it out! So don't bother, just enjoy the ride.

What I love about Futurama, is that it manages to be both cleverly funny and serious at the same time. The plot is always outlandish, but also serious. It's evident in the relationship between Fry, Leela, and Lars while all the madness is going on in the background. If you're still not sure exactly what I mean, take the episode "The Luck of the Fryrish" as an example. It has a funny and ridiculous plot in which Fry tries to find his lucky clover, but it's also serious in the story of Fry and his brother. I also happen to think that is one of the best of the show's episodes. "Bender's Big Score" has a similar tone and that's what makes the show so great.

This movie is an entertaining ride with a lot of plot, a lot of humor, a lot of heart, and a cliffhanger ending. The ending though, is guaranteed to be resolved in the next movie "The Beast With a Billion Backs". It also guest stars Al Gore and explains what really happened during the 2000 election. Oh, and it's got an awesome remixed theme song!

All in all, I recommend this movie to fans and non-fans alike. Make sure you go out and pick up a copy to support the show!

And now, a special treat: a preview of "The Beast With a Billion Backs". Enjoy!

Believe...

Museum

Halo goodies!

Check out some of the new Halo collectibles coming soon from Kotubukiya and McFarlane Toys!

McFarlane series 1, available March 2008 (final product subject to change):










































































































And coming this fall are "12 collectable spartan statues from Kotubukiya. They will retail for $99.

Blue (available through the 7-11/Mountain Dew contest)
Green (available at Gamestop)
Red (available at UK retailer Gamestation)

Personally, I want to collect them all! It's not even funny how much better these are than those crappy old Joyride toys!

Halo 3: what you don't know

Think you know everything about Halo 3? Think again. I've got some new info and I'm prepared to share it with you. The only question is: are you prepared? If you want to be completely surprised on September 25th, then skip right past this article. If you're like the rest of us, then, well, sit back and enjoy!

*NOTE* Even if you've read the EGM Halo 3 article, you still might find some things you didn't know. I'm talking exclusive info- and we have it!

Weapons

- Mauler: Ooo... sounds menacing! The Mauler is essentially a brute shotgun. The catch, it's dual-wieldable. Obviously, if you can hold two at once, it's not quite as strong as a regular shotgun. Oh, and it has s blade sticking off of it- what a surprise!

-Gravity Hammer: Remember that awesome hammer Tartarus carried in Halo 2? Yep, you can use that. It has a lunge attack similar to the energy sword, but also does area-effect damage. It's called a gravity hammer for a reason, you know. You can send a vehicle flying with a single hit, or send a grenade flying back to its sender due to the hammer's massive shockwave.


-Flamethrower: It's in. Finally, the flamethrower is in! The flamethrower is a turret weapon, which means the camera will pull out to third-person mode when you use it. It shoots in three second bursts, with nine bursts total. The flame shoots out a massive 44 feet and will adhere to any surface.

-Plasma Turret: Yep, you can detach these babies too! They also look slightly different.

- That mysterious golden gun- It's seen in the new E3 trailer and even on one of the new EGM covers, but just what the hell is it? We'll have to wait and find out.

- Firebomb: Before, you used to be able to hold four plasma grenades and four frag grenades. That's eight grenades. In Halo 3, because of the addition of the spike grenade, you can hold two of each. Lets see... three grenades times two each... that's... wait a minute! That's two grenades short! That's where the Firebomb comes in. This new grenade will explode on impact and set ablaze anything in an 8 ft. radius for 4.5 seconds. It can also be used to create a wall of fire to cut off enemies. You may remember some Halo 2 concept art for the Brute a while back. You may also remember a mysterious grenade hanging off of the Brute's belt. That would be the new firebomb.

Vehicles

- Chopper: You probably already know by now, but since it wasn't in the Beta I'm including it here. The chopper is a GIANT hovering brute motorcycle. Its got a giant engine in the front with two side mounted mega brute shots. The down side? It doesn't offer much cover for the driver, but if you're hit with one it surely means instant death.

- Hornet: Finally, the UNSC answer to the Banshee! It's a pretty sick looking plane/helecopter hybrid that has two mounted machine gun turrets. Two other players can hang off the side. This is useful for both troop transport and extra firepower.

-Prowler: Described as a jet turbine engine on a sled, this new brute vehicle holds a driver, a man on the forward-mounted turret and two passengers on the side. Sounds to me like a much cooler and better looking version of the horrible Covenant Spectre.

-Troop transport Hog: One of the warthog variants that didn't make it into Halo 2. You may have seen a picture of it along with a snow hog and a jungle hog. It looks almost unchanged from then and can hold an additional four (possibly six) passengers. Hey, if the transport hog and the ATV made it out of Halo 2, maybe we will see some more hog variants (like the rocket hog)! The gauss-cannon hog is also confirmed to return.

-Elephant: This UNSC vehicle is large enough to fit a scorpion tank, four warthogs, and two mongooses. I'm not kidding. The elephant is a mobile base. It can house a dozen plus soldiers, has a mounted turret, houses the team's flag, is where your team respawns, and, oh yeah, did I mention it's indestructible? The downside is, as you'd expect, that the elephant is very, very, slow.

Equipment

-Radar Jammer: Drop this in the heat of battle to really confuse your foes! The radar jammer creates fake enemies on an opponent's radar and causes their shield to malfunction, simulating fake enemy attacks.

-Personal Shield: Remember those stationary shields you could hide behind in the first Halo? Now you can drop them where ever you need them. It will block enemy attacks from one direction, and, unlike the bubble shield, you can fire through it to attack enemies.

-Regenerator: It's the exact opposite of the Power Drainer. After this item is dropped, it creates a field that instantly recharges the shield of anyone who steps into it.

-Flare: Very simple: drop it and it creates a bright light that blinds anyone close to it.

-Invincibly: Just as the name implies, it will grant you temporary invincibility. It is used by Brute Chiefs in single player. It will rarely appear in multiplayer games. It is assumed this is a pickup item similar to the active camouflage or overshield rather than equipment.

Forge

Forge is Halo 3's new map editor! Well, sort of. You take the role of a monitor (like 343 Guilty Spark or 2401 Penitent Tangent) and fly around the level. You can add, remove, or alter the placement of items, respawn points, etc. You then can instantly switch to player mode to try out your redesigned level. Forge can also be used online. Friends can join in and you can create some really unique gametypes. Here's a few examples:

-Jenga: Create a big stack of explosive fusion cores followed by a giant crate. Then, start carefully dropping more fusion coils on top. If you do it wrong, the entire stack will explode- right in your face.

- Grab the Mongoose: One guy zips around the stage on a mongoose while the other tries to pull the mongoose out from under him.

-Magic Carpet Ride: Pick up a crate with a player on top of it and try to fly him around the level with out him falling off.

-RTS Slayer: Each team has a monitor to create items or equipment for them as its needed in response to the actions of the other team.

You can even save your levels and custom game types and share them through Halo 3's file share!

Maps

Speaking of maps, there are plenty of new ones in Halo 3 besides the three you saw in the beta.

Epitaph: An ancient forerunner temple in the middle of the desert complete with ancient shield doors!

Last Resort: A slightly upgraded remake of Halo 2's Zanzibar.

Guardian: This Lockout successor is set in a misty forest.

Sandtrap: The largest Halo map ever created. Set in a massive desert landscape, the map is scattered with vehicles to help players get around. That means massive vehicular carnage! Oh, and this is also the stage where the massive Elephant makes an appearance!

Oh, and one more little note: yes, Elites in multiplayer do have different armor types.

I wish I had pictures of most of this stuff, but I don't and I can't find any scans of the EGM article. Instead, please enjoy some new shots from the Japanese magazine Famitsu here and here.

GTA 4 Delayed

The much anticipated Grand Theft Auto 4 has been delayed from October of this year to second quarter 2008. Good news for other developers whose games were releasing this fall...

Halo 3 for four

Halo 3 will indeed have co-op for 4 players. Even better, Halo 3 will have co-op for 4 players online! Player one will control the chief, player two will control the arbiter, and players three and four will control two brand new elite characters.

More details at bungie.net.

The Else: The Review

The Else is the 12th compact disk from They Might be Giants. Apparently, they're still not giants, and we may never know if they ever will be. It's a magical journey for you're ears to behold. Also, it's better than TMBG's 11th compact disk, The Spine. It seems to be a somewhat of a return to form for the two Johns that might be giants. I felt, with The Spine, that it was too musical (if you know what I mean). It was popy and good but bad at the same time. The Else, however, is more of what you've come to love from TMGB, but it is also kind of a mix of the classic sound and the new sound. It's a super-sensation of musical bliss and confusion!

Transformers: The Review

Wow. Transformers must be the most expensive movie ever made. It has mind-bogging special effects (that's right, I said mind bogging), scrumtrulescent action sequences, and giant transforming robots! Seriously, they must have spent at least $42 million on random props to blow up! But really, this is the movie to see this summer. Transformers has it all. Plus, it was cool how they modernized the series instead of keeping it stuck in the neon-shirted 80s. I just wish they would make a TV series this cool! The robots are totally kick ass!

Just because Transformers has breakneck action sequences (seriously, your neck will spontaneously snap while you watch the movie) that doesn't mean there's no room for character development. I never thought I could care so much about a robot. There's this one scene with Bumblebee where... ok, I'm not going to spoil it if you haven't it yet, but let's just say that it moved me to tears. I found myself bawling and screaming "WHY!?". They I realized Bumblebee was just a robot and I slapped myself in the face. Ok, so maybe none of that really happened, but you really do start to get attached to the little guy. I just wish the main character wasn't named Whitwicky...

Overall, this movie rocked! The special effects were incredible, the action intense, and the sex scene... don't even get me started! That was some hot bot-on-bot action. Sorry. I'm done fooling around. Seriously. I mean it this time. Oh, and Optimus dies at the end. Oops...probably shouldn't have spoiled that for you.* Oh, well!

Transformers is the movie to see this summer and if you haven't already, go see it right away! You can thank me later. Oh, and here's a little known fact for you: Peter Cullen, the original voice of Optimus on the 80s cartoon show, voiced Optimus in the movie. Just a little nugget to get your brain going there... because you're IQ probably just dropped about 20 points from reading this...

*Nah, I'm just messing with you again! You really think I would spoil the ending? Everyone knows the Autobots always win in the end. Or do they?

And now for something nobody expected....

It seems that Metal Gear Solid 4 will remain a PS3 exclusive and will ship in early 2008. This would be the first sensible decision Sony has made since the release of the PS3... that is until Microsoft announces that a special edition of the game will be released for the 360. Hey, it's bound to happen isn't it?

Nintendo release dates

The two big ones dated:
Mario Galaxy- November 12th
Smash Bros.- December 3rd

Let the wait begin!

New Halo 3 media

Click right here to view the new Halo 3 trailer straight from Microsoft's press conference, as well as new campaign screenshots, an exclusive look at the new limited edition Halo 3 Xbox 360, and a new Halo 3 digital short from Halo movie director Neil Blomkamp!

E3 is upon us

E3 starts tomorrow! Keep checking back here throughout the event for the latest updates. Major stories will be posted in the main news section, while minor stories will be listed in the new 'E3 Quickies' list in the sidebar. Make sure to keep your eyes on the sidebar for the latest updates!

*UPDATE*
I've added an RSS feed from the official Smash Bros. site so you can keep updated on the latest news and developments for Smash Bros Brawl! You'll find it under the E3 news news list.

Oblivion: Game of the Year Edition Announced

The Oblivion: Game of the Year Edition was announced today. It will include all of the downloadable content released so far on one disk. Players who already own Oblivion, but have not purchased downloadable content can continue their previously saved game when they boot up the Oblivion compilation disk. It will be released in September for 360, PS3, and PC.

PS3 price drop... sort of

Sony announced this morning that they're lowering the price of their 60 GB PS3 (now the only one available in North America since Sony discontinued the 20 GB model) $100 to the retail price of $499. Sony also announced an 80 gig PS3 that would be bundled with Motostorm and retail for $599. Sort of defeats the purpose of the price drop doesn't it? So what they've done is basically upgraded the hard drive size of both old models by 20 GBs. That's still twice as small as the Xbox 360 Elite hard drive.

The new pricing will be effective immediately. Both systems are identical except for storage space.

Screw Korn!

The new They Might Be Giants album comes out before Korn's! July 10th! Heres the odd cover:

Screw Nintendo handhelds

I remember when i got my first gameboy. It was a turqoise gameboy color and my grandma had gotten it for me for Christmas. Then later when the game boy advance came out i got it to. On both these systems my first two games where pokemon blue and yellow (for gameboy color); silver and crystal (for gameboy advanced)

Then i got pissed

I realized than in order to play my beloved pokemon games i would have to upgrade my gameboy almost every year! At least gaming consles last for about four years, but handhelds your lucky if they last half a year! And then once they move on to the newest gameboy ur stuck with playing my little horny, strawberry shortcakes fruitylicious party games, and sluty 10 year old bratz games where puberiscent pre-teens attpempt to get guys attentions by showing off their flat undeveloped bodies making them likely targets for child molesters and rapist (oh boy!).

However the real reason i came here was to praise what might what might be the greatest download in the histroy of the internet.

ROMS

ROMS (Read-Only Memory programs) are free downloadable gba games that have been made available for the computer. I garuntee you that you can find any game that was ever made on a gba online and download it. However these ROMS will only work with a gba program which really isn't a problem since there are so many of them . The one i recomend is http://vba.ngemu.com/.

Also need a site for ROMS? http://gba-rom-news.org/

Support ROMS!

Mmmm.. corn

KoRn's untiled 8th album releases July 31st! Check out the disturbing yet strangely intriguing and awesome album cover:

OMG!? A new post?

That's right! Prepare to be entertained with the story of Doosh-Bah and Smearbob!

Characters created by The One Known as to be Reckoned With and Doegab, respectively.
Story by N-man.

Doosh-Bah and Smearbob were friends. They'd been friends ever since Smearbob saved Doosh-Bah's life. You see, one day, on the 32nd of Feburary, Doosh-Bah was out for his yearly stroll throught the nuclear fish house. Smearbob just happened to be delivering an order of prickled haring when he saw a large noise. He quickly sprouted wings and flew into the sky for a better look, all the while holding on to his delivery for dear life. Unfortunately, a squirrel strapped to a firework shot through the sky and sent Smearbob falling to the Earth. You see, Smearbob and the fish house were on the moon and now he had been sent falling to earth.

It turns out the noise Smearbob saw was actually a headless raisin. It happened to be walking by when Smearbob fell onto it. The raisin casually strolled back to the moon with Smearbob in hand. Meanwhile, Doosh-Bah was just exiting the fish house when the nuclear waste started to chase him. It ripped open space and they were all transported to the year 2. Doosh-Bah started to have an asthma attack, but unluckily Smearbob didn't care. The headless raisin gave Doosh-Bah CPR and all was right in the world.

Then God descended from the Heavens and said, "Puppies are cute. I declare you two to be best friends. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm late to my golf game with Thunder Thor." Then, God vanished. The Void of Crayold expanded into the rib shack and the world became 1% more chocolaty.

Of course, Doosh-Bah and Smearbob don't remember this event because they're memories were wiped by the MIB: the Mexicans in Boots. They re-met each other at a game of golf with The Great Pork Malorphers and Oscar the angry badger many years later. It turned out Doosh was a friend with Oscar who's cousin was in the Pork Malorphers and who's aunt knew Micky's niece who was Smearbob's sister who invited him to take her place in the golf game because she hates yogurt.

And so, Doosh-Bah and Smearbob hit it off. They talked about alphabetical socks for 45 hours straight and were friends ever since!

STAY TUNED FOR FURTHER ADVENTURES OF DOOSH-BAH AND SMEARBOB!

NiGHTS 2 confirmed?

Swedish gaming magazine Game Reactor posted the cover image for next month's issue that seems to reveal NiGHTS 2 is indeed coming to the Wii.






























Fake or real? Guess we'll have to wait and see.

Mario and Sonic together at last

It's official, Mario and Sonic are finally together in a game for the Wii and DS. The catch? Well, see for yourself:

The final Oblivion

With the recent success of the newly released Shivering Isles expansion, Bethesda Softworks took the opportunity to announce their final expansion for Oblivion. Originally intended to be the cover story of next month's Game Informer, the story has leaked onto the net (much like the Halo 3 story last year) and we have it for you! Here's a chunk of the interview from Bethesda president Vlatko Andonov:


"For our final expansion for the game [Oblivion] we wanted to do something different. I think Elder Scrolls fans will be very happy with it. What we have done... is open up the province of Morrowind for players to travel to. The end result is something truly amazing. We've had a team working on this almost as long as Oblivion itself. What we've done is taken the base [of Morrowind] and upgraded it using the Oblivion engine. Of course, it will be a different experience than playing the original Morrowind on your Xbox or PC. For example, we've scattered Oblivion Gates throughout Morrowind. You'll notice, though, that once you enter these Morrowind gates they will have a flavor all their own. Oh, and don't worry- the Morrowind expansions Bloodmoon and Tribunal are included."

He goes on to talk a little about how the game came to be:

"We've had many fans say things like 'If all of the provinces border each other why can't we visit the rest of Tamriel?'. So we decided: why not? As you can imagine this expansion is massive. Expect it cost around the same as Oblivion itself- about $50 or 5500 Microsoft Points when it releases this fall. We've also decided to keep the content Xbox and PC exclusive. This is mostly due to the reason that we started development for both platforms before we had PS3 dev. kits. As you can imagine, it's also much easier to upgrade a game when you can start with the same basic code. Morrowind was originally for the Xbox and PC so, naturally, we decided it would be easiest to develop the expansion for the 360 and PC. It would take far to much time and effort porting it to the PS3."

Finally, he talked a little about what to expect:

"...of course the visuals have been significantly upgraded. Also we've re-recorded the Morrowind soundtrack as well as 10,000 plus new lines of dialog. We've added some new enemies, dungeons, weapons, armor, and quests. You can travel between the two lands whenever you want and even take your horse along [in addition to your other Oblivion items and vice versa] ."

Does this mean you can be a werewolf and a vampire!? Probably not. Guess we'll have to just wait and see!

New Halo 2 maps!

Bungie has been hard at work with two new Halo 2 maps. The two maps, Tombstone and Desolation, are remakes of the original Halo maps Hang 'Em High and Derelict. They will be released April 17 on both the 360 and original Xbox for about $4 total.

Click here: http://www.bungie.net/News/content.aspx?type=topnews&cid=12324 for screens and more info.

PS3 looses a big franchise

It was announced earlier this month that one of the Playstation's biggest exclusive franchises, Devil May Cry, will be released simultaneously on the PS3, 360, and PC this fall. That's a double stab in the back for Sony!

DBZ MMORPG?!?!?!

Thats right folks a new DBZ RPG is Coming out in 2008 in Japan and is currently being beta tested in Korea
http://slumz.boxden.com/showthread.php?t=883760

Gameweb's branching out

In case you haven't noticed, Gameweb is now covering entertainment and technology. That's not to say we won't still write about games, we're just expanding. Now we cover games, entertainment, and technology, with a focus on games. Hope you enjoy the new Gameweb!

So, now I guess I know why it's called Gameweb. We start with games and we branch out, just like a web! Cleaver!

DBZ remastered

February 6th will mark the beginning of DBZ season set releases with season one on DVD. It's completely digitally remastered in high definition wide-screen and contains the original Japanese or English dub. It even has the option for English with Japanese music. Set one contains the first 39 episodes on 6 discs (over 900 minutes!), a 24 page booklet, and behind the scenes footage of the re-mastering process. All of this can be had for as low as $37.50 off Amazon with free shipping ($49.98 normally). This is by far every DBZ fan's dream come true!

Meet the iPhone

It's a widescreen iPod with touch control, a revolutionary mobile phone, and a breakthrough internet communications device! At least, that's what Apple CEO Steve Jobs says. This thing is seriously cool, though. It runs Mac OSX, the same operating system in iMacs and Macbooks. Think of it as a mini Mac Mini that makes phone calls. Check out apple.com for more information and to watch the full (over an hour long!) keynote with demonstrations.

Halo 3 Beta: the easy way in

If you buy a specially marked copy of Crackdown for the Xbox 360 beginning February 20th, you're automatically in the H3 beta. Simple as that. You get a code to download the beta to your Xbox. A hard drive and an XBL gold membership are required to participate.

Gameweb Awards '06

Our GOTY awards are up at Viewpoint. Go check it out!

Gameweb Awards 2006

So, what were the best games of '06? Prepare to find out in the Gameweb Awards 2006!