Movie Reviews

You Don't Mess With The Zohan

Adam Sandler is back and this time his crotch is stuffed with exotic cheese and hummus! You Don't Mess With The Zohan is a completely ridiculous movie with enough action to satisfy Master Chief and enough laughs to satisfy even Simon Cowel. Err, maybe not. That guy's a stifler. He'd probably call it "absolutely hideous." Well anyway, if you're not Simon Cowel you should enjoy this movie. It's about "The Zohan" a counter-terrorist agent for Israel who sneaks off to America to become a hairdresser under the name Scrappy Coco. Yes, it is quite ridiculous. What makes the movie especially funny is that Zohan does these completely crazy superhuman things that make him seem like a super hero. Everyone even treats him like a super hero. Then you realize he's just a regular guy and it makes the situations even more over the top and entertaining. Not only that, but it's kind of disturbing as well when Zohan bangs number of old ladies and one fat one with an enormous ass that, unfortunately, you get behold in all its nakedness. It's hard to describe this movie other than it's a very over the top, hummus filled adventure that's great to see if your up for some good times.

The Happening

On the complete opposite end of the spectrum, we have The Happening. I actually found the film to be more sad than it was scary. A lot of people die in this movie. A lot of people. You find yourself saddened when even the most insignificant little kid gets a shotgun to the face. Yes, that does happen. I think I'll explain a little bit of what the movie's about because I had no idea what I was getting into before I went in. The movie is basically about a "happening" in the northeast U.S. in which the air all of a sudden becomes intoxicated and and ends up in bed with three hookers. No seriously, the air becomes intoxicated and when people inhale it they kill themselves. The movie focuses on one man's quest for survival as he tries to find out what the hell is going on. They never quite explain, but you basically get the idea by the end that the movie is one big PSA about how we need to take care of the environment. Lame. Still, the movie is not bad and creates a good sense of eeriness even though it's a pretty predictable. It's not really even that scary until the end when they run into an creepy old house in the middle of creepy old nowhere with a creepy bipolar old woman. I say, see it if you like that kind of stuff or if your a Shyamalan fan. Otherwise, skip it.

The Incredible Hulk

Now we're talking! This is the Hulk film you've been waiting for! It's really good in just about every way. This time around, the movie is more of a throwback to the old TV series and the comic book. During the opening credits, there is a flashback that basically says "Here's how the Hulk became the Hulk. Now, forget that 2003 Hulk crap." That's fine and dandy- if this were the first movie. But it's not. This actually is a sequel for that movie, strangely enough. I would have preferred if it was a stand-alone, though it kind of is anyway. I'm rambling now and not making any sense, so I'll get on with it. The movie starts with Banner in Brazil hiding from the U.S. government and Thunderbolt Ross. He's basically on the run the entire movie, which is the way it's supposed to be. The villain this time is an actual villain from the comic strip and he's awesome- The Abomination. The fight with him at the end is pretty epic, too. As good as this movie is, I have two gripes. One, I like Edward Norton but he just seems wrong for the part. He's such a scrawny long-necked nerd. I'd hate to say it, but I prefer Eric Bana as Banner. Second, this movie suffers from the same flaw as Iron Man. Though both excellent movies, they leave you wanting more. Both films seem like two hours of build up for a short fight at the end and a quick conclusion. That's fine to set up for a sequel, but I want more now! Only four times does Banner become the Hulk: once with no one to fight, once to fight some tanks and a helicopter, once to try and cure himself, and once for the all-too-short fight with Abomination. Same thing in Iron Man. Not enough epic battles. There should be a balance somewhere in between the action in Spider-Man (every 5 minutes) and Iron Man (short battle at the end). That's not to say there wasn't action, there was, but it's like having Superman fight mobsters- it's just not satisfying. That being said, at leas the Hulk looks awesome and not like Shrek. Despite its flaws, the Hulk remains a very good super hero movie and is now high on my list. Go see this one!