Lightning Reviews

I've been working on and off on a secret project so I don't have the time to write full reviews; however, for some guidance, here are a few fast reviews that I was planning on making large:

Bioshock 2: 8

Rapture comes to life again with beautiful coloration and an exciting adventure. The dual-wielding is a nice touch, but until the very end, the game lacks the emotion of the first game. While the first game is better, this is a welcome return to Rapture and a solid sequel. I also think the multiplayer is fantastic. The online is basically Modern Warfare 1 made Bioshocky.

Red Dead Redemption:

As a massive fan of the first game, I waited for this game since 8th grade. I was very let-down by the single-player. It was severely overhyped because of the "sand-box" aspect. Yes, the sand-box is brilliantly executed. Yes, a lot of work was put into the game. For me, however, singleplayer is about the missions and not your free-roam. Free-roam gets boring, so it's the missions that move you along. The missions were dull, too long, not enough shooting, and at times, very stupid. I recall at least 4 quests that involved herding cattle, and some that involved following dogs around for 10+ minutes to kill one guy. I spent more than 50% of this game riding my horse to different locations, and 30% frustrated at the repetitiveness of each quest. Instead of sticking to Red Dead Revolver's innovation, Rock Star took GTA's missions and forced them into the Wild West. I also hate the "bounty system" because it doesn't make sense. If someone insults me, takes a gun out, tries to shoot me but fails, and I attack back, why am I the criminal? Why should I have to escape from the police when the outlaw was trying to kill me? If I fight back, I lose honor and prices at shops go up. If I don't, I die, have to start over, lose all my money, and takes a smaller honor hit. Great choice.

The online, however, is different. The online takes the singleplayer and strips it of missions and honor-hit of , leaving you with a world where you are free to wreak mayhem without any fears. Even better, you do it with any player that wants to join your possee. The multiplayer games are boring because weapons are pre-set, and the locations are the same as singleplayer.

This game could have been a 10, but lack of innovation docks it to a 6.5 for me. The free-roam takes it up to a 7.5, and multiplayer to an 8. This one is tricky to review because the game has great and horrible aspects. So if you enjoy free-roam, you will love this game. If you are like me who wants solid-missions, wait for a price drop.

FIFA World Cup: 10

Granted that the ratings for sports games aren't the same as ratings for other games, but this game is perfect for a sports game. It has nothing wrong. I'm not a soccer fan and I love it.

MicroReview: Chime

Holy McSnarf! The 700th post! Huzzah! Hard to believe, eh? Let me tell you, this will be the most relaxing 700th post ever. Why? Because Chime is the most relaxing game ever. Ever.

Network

Dear Readers,

I recently watched a film titled "Network". The actors in it do a great job of portraying the ideas of their characters. Its a satirical film about the television industry, but can be applied to any media form. It even though it was released in 1976 its message still holds true today. It points out and exagerates ideals that newer generations and the media seem to hold. It is slightly disturbing in its accuracy and portrail of how the media is run. If I say much more it will give away the film, but please, take the time to go rent and watch this movie. And before you blow it off as being ridiculous, think hard about it.

MicroMovieReview: 2012

Every year around the Holiday season, Hollywood always comes out with a couple of "feel good" movies to get you into the joyous spirit. Then there's 2012. This is the depressing film of the Holiday season. Seriously, it makes you feel down. Why they would release this weeks before Holiday is anyone's guess. Nothing is happy about this movie. Not even the ending is happy. I'm sure it's supposed to be uplifting, but it's just not. Although the movie studio really dug themselves in a hole with this one. I'm pretty sure it's impossible to make the end of days any happier.

MicroMovieReview: Fantastic Mr. Fox

Well, it's Tuesday December 1st and you know what that means: time for new content. I have no idea what those two statements have to do with one another but yeah, content time!

MicroReview: Worms 2: Armageddon

Worms 2: Armageddon is an apology to Worms fans for that godawful "Worms" game released for the arcade a few years back. That game was extremely stripped down to the point where they ended up releasing most of the game's content as optional download. In short, it sucked, and they charged far too much for far too little. Armageddon, you may remember was and old Worms game from way back and the most popular game in the series. It's no wonder that they borrowed the name as if to say, "Look! This one's good!" And it is, actually. It's a lot like an HD, online version of Worms: Open Warfare 2 for the PSP which, much like this game, was a far superior sequel to the original. It incorporates many of the features that made that game great including lots of the weapons and customizations you know and love. The game also plays great online and is, as always, a blast with friends. This game, overall, is a solid title and a great addition to your Xbox Arcade library. I only wish they brought back the optional six-worm teams and had more landscape themes.

It seems Worms will live on forever as a classic, fun party game that withstands the test of time- even if we've played it a hundred times before. Bomberman, anyone?

Uncharted Drake's Fortune MicroReview

So first with an incredibly overrated game, Uncharted: Drake's Fortune. Yes, that's right, I had very high expectations for this game and Uncharted did not come close to meeting them. This game let me down so badly that I'm not putting a picture up. Before I begin, a quick background. Basically, you play as Nathan Drake (relative of Sir Francis Drake) and the game takes place basically on one island the entire time as you search for Drake's treasure. Now on with the review, starting with everything that sucks.

A large part of Uncharted Drake's Fortune involved shooting enemies. No surprise here, but Naughty Dog violates a principle of enemy shooting game: Don't put too many enemies in too little space with too little cover and too little ammo. The entire game you jump distances that are impossible even for Superman to jump until you get to a courtyard with either pillars or pillars that have been knocked down. Then, you get about 30 pistol shots to kill 60 enemies or 60 machine gun rounds (which expire very quickly) to kill those enemies. Sounds easy? Well it would be if you could actually hit your target, for you see, the Rebel Mercenaries you fight in the game (as opposed to the Trained Mercenaries which I will mention later) dodge bullets! And not like the matrix, they just kinda move right or left and dodge. I even went through the pain of running up to a Rebel, aiming for the heart, and firing, only to have him dodge. Not only are the Rebels magical, but you can't shoot them twice back-to-back, meaning you have to hit them, wait, and then shoot them again. What's worse is that the game refuses to register head shots as head shots!? This really pisses me off. To get a head shot, you had to aim around the middle of the chest and hope the enemy didn't dodge, otherwise, what should be a headshot, will just be a bullet that hits the target for minor damage or is dodged. Apart from shooting, the game involves hiding behind cover. Yes, it basically tries to copy Gears of War but fails. If you hide behind a pillar, you will die. If you hide behind a knocked down (horizontal) pillar, you face 50% death rate. Compile this with the horrible gun mechanics and you get a repetitive game whose shooting fails. Oh, and did I mention that after you kill 60 enemies, often times 3-5 more waves of 10 enemies come in from all arround the room, so basically you get surrounded. I am very good at shooting games and I died more in this one than all my previous shooter experiences combined.

A quick word on Trained Mercenaries. As you progress through the game, you eventually fight well trained mercenaries, then undead, and then a mix of rebels, trained mercs, and undead. Somehow, the Trained Mercenaries that carry Dragonuv Snipers, Desert Eagles, and MP 40s with laser sight are incredibly easy to kill, whereas the rebels that only use AK-47s dodge bullits and can't be killed. This sucks because 85% of the enemies are the rebels, and only about 10% are the trained mercenaries. Damn.

So what makes this game good? Well the graphics are nice, but the only reason I give this game a high rating is the story. The story is basically a myster/treasure hunt tale along the lines of National Treasure and that entertained me a lot. The characters (well, the good guys anyway) are very endearing and you quickly like them and their adventure. If Naughty Dog made this game about puzzle solving, exploring, and adventuring, or if they did the shooting system right, it would be a great game. Sadly, they didn't, altough they did get another thing besides the story right: jet ski shootouts! Twice, Nathan mounts a jetski and armed with a grenade launched you blast the hell out of enemies.

Overall, I would not pay more than $20 for this game. If you are bored, $30 because, after all, the story is awesome. It has marginal replay value because there are 60 hidden treasures, but the rewards (cheat codes) suck for finding them and they are really easy to find (they sparkle and shine, literally). There are also Trophies, which are basically PS3's version of the 360's achievements.

Rating: 6.5 (the reason being the graphics, storyline, characters, and mild entertainment)

Second opionion: 5 (with so much emphasis on shooting, I can't give it a higher rating).

MicroReview: Wario Land: Shake It

Before the actual post, I think I should explain what a microreview is. It's something new I've created for the blog that's basically a mini review. I didn't call it a miniview because that sounds lame, nor did I call it a quickview because I'm pretty sure that's copyrighted. I'll microreview stuff that I think doesn't deserve a full review (for a number of reasons) or is old. Most movie reviews in the future will probably be in this format.

First of all, I realize the box has the wrong name on it. I used the PAL version because it looks better.

I both enjoyed this game and was annoyed by it. On the one hand, it's finally a return to form for Wario- a classic platformer after years of microgame crap. On the other hand, I wish it were better. The visuals are sharp, colorful, and lovely, but the music, while nice, doesn't seem to fit Wario. Likewise, the level design seems repetetive and uninspired. Wario's got his classic moves in addtion to some new tricks, but I feel like the levels make more use of motion control gimicks than classic Wario platforming and puzzle solving. Still, there's some nice homages to the Wario Land games of yesteryear. The game does get very repetetive after a while not just because of the level design, but because of a lack of enemy variety and the fact that your goal is always the same: get lots of money, free the little elf dude at the end of the level, then race back to the begining within the time limit. The game's saving grace is it's excellent and creative boss battles.

Overall, I'd recommend the game just for some Wario nostalgia but I wouln't pay more than $20 for it.

Movie Review: Indiana Jones

It's not quite the arthritic adventures of Harrison Ford that I was expecting. Actually, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is just the opposite. It's crazy. Remember that believability factor I spoke of with Iron Man? Well, it's almost nonexistent here. It's almost as if Indy was some sort of invulnerable super hero or something. And the plot? It's crazier than the action sequences. It would have been fine if they just left it at the legend of the Crystal Skulls. But no! They had to go and make everything totally out there! You'll see what I mean within the first five minutes. I'm really not sure what else to say about it. It's completely... weird. It all might have worked if it had been some other movie, but Indiana Jones? It was a fine movie, just not a fine Indiana Jones movie. In all, it was not bad, but not great. See it if your a fan. Actually, you'll probably enjoy it more if you're not.

Quick reviews

Here's some more quick reviews by Raider Bear (Again, quite old. Sorry!) :

Handheld
Mario Luigi Partners in Time: 10
Animal Crossing Wild World: 10
Viewtiful Joe Double Trouble: 10
Mario Kart DS: 10

Console
Dragon Quest VIII: Journey of the Cursed King: 10
Gauntlet Legends 7 sorrows: 8.5
Ninja Gaiden Black: 10

Finally! An update!

It's been a while. Too long if you ask me. Anyway, here's some (rather old) Xbox 360 game reviews by Raider Bear. They may be old, but who cares no one has a 360 anyway. Maybe these will help when we all finally get one.

Kameo: Elements of Power
Graphics: 10
Controls: 7
Synopsis: Kameo is an excellent game for the Xbox 360. It provides a new sort of game genre which merges past games like the Fable environment, crazy cool character drawings like in Oddworld Series, mythological beings like Lord of the Rings, and great game play. This is an awesome game and as I previously mentioned great gameplay. The only downside are the controls. All your actions revolve around Y, B, X to switch warriors and Rb and Lb to attack. Besides the ify controls this is a must own for Xbox 360.

FINAL VERDICT: 9.5

Gun
Graphics: 6
Controls: 10
Synopsis: Like Red Dead Revolver, excellent western shooter. The game should have been called Red Dead Revolver 2 because it is exactly like it. If you like Red Dead Revolver this game is a must buy, if you didn't avoid. This game depends on the person, I personally love it.

Final Verdict: 8

King Kong:
Graphics: SUPER 10 INCREDIBLE!!!!!!!!!
Controls: 9
Synopsis: WOW! First game I played for Xbox 360 and might be one of the best. I don't know how people hate this game, it is awesome. As Jack it is one of the best shooters I have ever played, and as Kong the game is just incredible. Easy controls, incredibly stunning graphics, my personal favorite.

Final Verdict: 10

Call of Duty 2
Graphics: 9
Controls: 10
Synopsis: Excellent war game, best I have ever played. I love war games and this one is awesome. Really easy controls, really brings the terror of war to life. Must have for Xbox 360.

Finaverdictct: 10

Perfect Dark: Dark Zero
Graphics: 8
Controls: 5
Synopsis: Rip Off! I do't like this game one bit, but it is still a decent shooter (lol, it plain sucks). Just like the failure of the 3rd person James Bond game this game failed. It was disappointing. It takes like fifty shots to the head to kill one guard, and like 1000 body shots to kill another guard. The controls are bad, and story makes no sense. The multiplayer is its saving grace (fooled yah, that sucks too). Save your money and wait on this game, or I'll give it to you as a present.:

Final Verdict: 5

Dead or Alive 4
One word...WOW!!!!

Graphics: 10
Controls: 10
Synopsis: Woah. Best fighting games ever. I love it and I normally hate fighting games. Another Most have for Xbox 360.

Final Verdict: 10

While I don't have an Xbox 360, I have played Call of Duty 2's multiplayer and I must say it's incredible!
Thanks again to Raider Bear for the reviews.

City of Villains!

I just got off playing City of Villains and it is awesome! I just love the way you can make your very own villain and train him or her. Along the way you unlock new powers to stop the heroes of Paragon City. You can team up with other villain to help. I would rate this game a 9.8 out of 10. This a must buy game!

*Not sure who wrote this one. Prince Omega perhaps? -Fuzunga*