The Xbox One Makes Me Want to Give Up on Video Games

I've been trying to express my feelings on the Xbox One for quite some time, and I've gone through maybe three or four different iterations. None of them felt right. My goal was not to sound like a whiny bitch, but you know what? Fuck that. I'm going to be a whiny bitch because that's what the Xbox One deserves. See, the Xbox One is a piece of shit. It's the worst console I've ever owned, and probably the worst ever made. Worse than the 3DO or the Virtual Boy or even the Gizmondo, which I'm pretty sure was a scam. Every time I try to play the Xbox One I'm filled with rage followed by a profound sadness. It's almost like the five stages of grief, where I start out in disbelief that a video game system can be so much of a hassle, then I'm pleading with the forces that be to make the damn thing work how I want it to, then I finally accept that it just sucks and give up. I used to own an Xbox and an Xbox 360. I loved them! I want to love the Xbox One too, but I just can’t.

A History of I04's April Fool Lies That Came True

Big-name websites have it rough for April Fools' Day. Sure they can make some silly gags, but it always has to clearly be a joke. On my dinky little blog that nobody reads, though, I can outright lie about things to trick everybody and I'll never get in trouble for it. Over the years, I have passed off many a fraudulent article as the truth. A lot of the time I ended up totally tricking my friends into believing these, which of course lead to disappointment that they weren't real. As it turns out, I guess I'm some sort of psychic because over the years many of my prank posts turned out to eventually be true. 

Over & Under: Bomberman Hero

Over and Under is a series where I highlight my favorite video game soundtracks that are overlooked or underrated. In this installment, I’ll be looking at the one-of-a-kind soundtrack of Bomberman Hero.

The soundtrack for Bomberman Hero feels like the culmination of Jun Chikuma’s body of work. She had been composing music for Bomerman since the original game’s NES release in 1985, and Bomberman Hero would be one of her final games before she moved on to other projects. Released in 1998, Bomberman Hero was a radical departure for the series and was obviously developed as a response to the boom in 3D platformers that was brought about by Super Mario 64. Bomberman could jump in this game, for one, and the game had no multiplayer component whatsoever.

How to Avoid Raptor Claws: A Guide to Handheld Gaming Grips

You're having a good old time playing your favorite handheld game and then it happens: you realize your hands have contorted into a pretzeld nightmare. Raptor claws. I, too, used to game in pain until I realized there was a better way. So let me help you get a handle on the situation. The answer, my friends, is molded plastic. But there are many varieties of such plastic and many handhelds. You want to avoid crippling hand pain but don't know where to start? Luckily for you, I'm crazy and have money to blow. I have spent years acquiring a collection of handhelds and grips, perhaps in preparation for this day. So here it is, the event hundreds of dollars in the making. Find your preferred handheld below and get ready to board the train to grip town!

Review Redux: Pac-Man Championship Edition DX

Here's a review from way back in 2010, with the crazy convoluted review system I came up with at the time.

The Installation 04 BOOTY Awards 2015

What a dang year that was, huh? I mean really, 2015 was one for the history books. It was just 12 months of one excellent game being released after another. When I started the BOOTY awards, I used to pick my top three games. Some years, I even struggled to come up with that many. A few years back, I bumped it up to five because the quality of games was really beginning to increase. But 2015? I'm not sure if I can even even pick just five games because there were so many good ones. Will I? Won't I? Find out within, after a million other awards!

Game Critique Redux: Super Meat Boy

In December 2010, one of my all-time favorite games was released. I remember hearing little murmurs here and there about this game earlier that year. It was another one of those New Grounds flash games that was about to make it to the big time. I mostly dismissed it, but the game stayed in the back of my mind, if only because of its weirdness. Finally, towards the end of October it released, and at the promotional price of $10, no less. So I thought "What the hell, why not give it a try?" and I downloaded the demo. I nearly passed it up because I thought it would be too difficult for me to enjoy. I've never been more wrong. And so a game I almost didn't give a chance ended up becoming my Game of the Year pick for 2010. I am, of course, talking about Super Meat Boy.

Review Redux: SteamWorld Dig

These days, I typically avoid anything with "dig" in the title because that implies that the game has some sort of crafting component. Show me a guy with an axe and you basically show me the door. I saw SteamWorld Dig on the 3DS eShop last year and completely ignored it. In the interim, I actually read what the game was about and became pretty interested. When I heard there would be a cross-buy version for the PS4 and Vita, I jumped right on it and got a PS+ discount to boot!

April Fools 2014 Redux: Samurai Jack is back!

Well, folks, it took about ten years of trying but old Genndy finally did it. He finally got a movie studio to buy into the idea of a Samurai Jack film for reals. Sony seems very pleased to have the man on board and already has him slated to direct a sequel to Hotel Transylvania as well as the upcoming Popeye animated film and Tartakovsky's own film tentitively titled Can You Imagine? which he will write and direct. After dropping hints about the possibility of a Samurai Jack film in 2012, it looks like Sony has decided to go through with it and is reportedly fast tracking it to a late 2015 or early 2016 release.

Genndy, however, is a busy man. So he's brought on fellow Samurai Jack alumnus Randy Myers to co-direct the movie that will be written by Tartakovsky and Paul Rudish. The film is tentatively titled "Samurai Jack: Back to the Past" and will star Phil LaMarr back as Jack with Greg Baldwin replacing Mako as the voice of Aku, once again taking over his role as he did with Uncle Iroh. Music will be handled by series composer James L. Venable. Although the plot is vague at this point, the Sony Pictures Animation press release notes that "Jack's journey will finally conclude as he manages to get back to the past and face off against the mighty Aku."

Plans for the film were apparently finalized after the recent resurgence in interest for the show. The comic book launched by IDW last November has been selling better than expected, and despite airing at 4am, the Toonami ratings for Samurai Jack reruns remain surprisingly solid, thanks in part to the show trending on Twitter every weekend.

I couldn't be happier about this! I've been waiting for ten years... and so has Genndy. He's had an ending written for about as long as the show's been off the air. Personally, I hope it connects back to "Jack and the Creatures" where Jack finally finds a portal but is blocked by an unstoppable warrior who says he can't use it yet. I guess we'll find out soon enough.

If you want some more tidbits, be sure to read the Sony Pictures Animation press release on their website.

(Even though this was a joke, it basically came true!)

Review Redux: Infamous Second Son

The transition from Xbox to PlayStaion has been weird. It’s a transition I think many of my fellow gamers have made. For me, as the last generation went on, I found myself finding the PlayStation exclusive games more and more appealing. So when I got a PS4 I almost felt obligated to jump right in to the system’s biggest franchises. Second Son is basically the first big release since the launch of the system in November 2013. Needless to say that most of us would buy anything at that point. I got my copy having seen a few bits of gameplay but not really knowing what to expect. It was Killzone, you see, that blew me away at the console’s announcement event. The first seconds of the game are off putting, but then everything changes.